i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
