if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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