Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
