dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
