Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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