Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am naked and annoyed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
