happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
