You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize