textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
