I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
