my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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