No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
