we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
