He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
