Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
