I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
