the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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