he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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