fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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