his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
