dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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