Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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