Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
