jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
