she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't turn off my feet"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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