Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
