her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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