sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
