pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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