Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
