I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
