shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
