Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
