I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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