Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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