he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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