Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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