he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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