If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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