He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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