I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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