Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
