I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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