Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
