none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
