I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
