i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
