Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
