you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
