I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
