I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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