I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
