so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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