RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
