I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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