he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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