hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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