Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
