I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
