I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
