Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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