maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
