just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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