I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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