She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
