doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
