The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
zippers are such a cool invention
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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