i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
