I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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