YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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